i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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