Can i not drive my cunt home
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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