Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
