Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize