I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Ladies don't puke and tell
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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