We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
