sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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