she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
