he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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