im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
