So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
there is glitter all over my balls
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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