Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
