Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
