I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
