I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
