Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
don't judge my taste in strippers
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
