too bad you live with your parents still
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
