batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
