it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
