Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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