you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
