You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
