I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Less talking, more tequila
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
