Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I am mentally ready for anal.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
