she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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