OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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