y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
