You smell like a Billy Joel song
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
she pinky promised me she was 18
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
