i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
