my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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