I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
