so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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