hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
