I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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