if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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