If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
