I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
