Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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