is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
