Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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