She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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