I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
