Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
