my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
