I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
