Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
