We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
