If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
