you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
