Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
