I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
