EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I wish life had little blips of pornography
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
