Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
