Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I skipped work to stalk him.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize