he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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