I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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