weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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