I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
