if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
