i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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