can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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