WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
