Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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