Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
