You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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