I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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