You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
