she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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