Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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