And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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