oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
