I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
