i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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