vagina is talking i cant
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
