Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
