Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
