i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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