I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
