Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
false alarm, still single
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