My liver just broke up with me...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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