Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
